Sam Downing

First up, two unrelated things: coffee is so good; Vegemite on toast is so good.

The Rejectionist held a contest recently to write the most amazing form rejection letter in the history of the universe, and the winner is a truly astounding cavalcade of LOLs. A sampling:

Please don’t be offended. Your query’s horrendous.
We can’t understand why you’d bother to send us
a missive so deeply in need of an edit
we wanted to vomit as soon as we read it.
Its hook was insipid, its grammar revolting,
its font microscopic, its manner insulting,
its lies unconvincing, its structure confusing,
its efforts at comedy less than amusing.
We think that on average the writing is better
in comments on YouTube than inside your letter.

That’s gold, Jerry! The complete opus is here. I reckon most writers would be pretty chuffed with a rejection like this.

If you aren’t already subscribed to Subnormality, the weekly internet comic featuring “a variety of thinly-veiled misanthropic tirades”, go and do so right now. I dare you not to read the entire archive in one go.

Evidence of genius:

The internet has been switched on at my new house. Here is a video to celebrate!:

I have no internet at home this week (noooo!) since I just moved house (yaaaaay!), so here’s something short and sweet: